he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
