you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
