I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
