I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize