we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
