We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize