Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
