My liver just broke up with me...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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