I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
