I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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