I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
