Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
