i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
