Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
