....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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