end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So here I am, sexting at work.
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