i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
even my farts smell like vagina
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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