Your dad touched me again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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