I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
