Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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