I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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