He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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