Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
