Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
