i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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