My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
