You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
