I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
