3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
