i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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