I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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