Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
