i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
