I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have post one night stand depression
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
