broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
