apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
