Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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