Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
