why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
