porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
