I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
