Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
