plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
