The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
