she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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