planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
