no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
