Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
