Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
