Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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