Need sex. Gaining weight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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