I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
