That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
