There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
