I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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