my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
