someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
