make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
