the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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