It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
