i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
