Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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