having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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