If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
