You made me cry and you don't even care
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
