Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
