and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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