Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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