return my video game
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
