So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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