the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
