Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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