how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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