He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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