I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
