I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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